2024 Season Preview

We’re back—not that we ever really went anywhere. SFO. The three most important letters in this world, and others I’d assume. The league that never sleeps. With the inaugural rookie draft now behind us, it’s time to see what our reflection reveals. We’ll dive into the key offseason moves and preview what promises to be an ultra-competitive season. All facts, no fluff. Giddy up.

Commissioner W.

Last Year: 9-5-0 / 126.1 PPG / 6th Place

Offseason:

The Good: Look, they’re in an incredible position, and I mean, I’ve never seen a position like this. They could win $500 from the Ice Cream Boys if they finish higher this season. They made some HUGE moves—Justin Jefferson, Saquon Barkley, Dalton Kincaid. Let me tell you, folks, these are great players. Not just good, but GREAT. This team needed something big—really big—and they got it. They had massive holes at WR1 and TE1, big gaping holes, but now they’ve filled them. They’ve filled them, folks. You’ve gotta love it. Let’s make Commissioner W. great again.

The Mid: Some people are saying their QB room is having what they’re calling a ‘mid-off’—and let me tell you, folks, we’ve got Brock Purdy, Sam Darnold, Geno Smith (not you, Eugene, relax… forgive me), and now, “Mr. 1.01” himself, Bo Nix. But look, depth is depth, and this team has been searching for QB depth all offseason. And they got it. Believe me, they got it.

The Ugly: Nasty, nasty future, folks, I’ll tell you that. These stars cost, and they cost a lot, believe me. But the Commish? He gets the best deals, yeah, the best deals. Nobody makes deals like him, I tell ya. It’s time to take the league back. This year… or else.

Grade: A-

Season Outlook:

Let me tell you, folks, the Commish’s team—absolutely incredible. We’re talking about a powerhouse, one of the best, believe me. People are saying it’s unstoppable, and you know what? They’re right. This roster? It’s got winners all over it. Top-tier talent, the kind of guys you’d want leading your team.

Now, some people doubted him, said the Commish couldn’t build a winning team. But guess what? He did. And he did it big. The draft? Perfect. The trades? Tremendous. He makes moves like nobody else, folks. It’s why he’s the Commish, and not just any commish, but the greatest one.

But look, this season? It’s all about domination. The Commish isn’t here to just make the playoffs—oh no, he’s here to win it all. And let me tell you, folks, if anyone’s going to take the title, it’s the Commish. This year… it’s going to be HUGE. You’ve gotta love it!

Okay.. but actually…

Projected Finish: 6-8, 10th Place

KySol

Last Year: 13-1-0 / 151.8 PPG / 1st Place

Offseason:

The Good: Zzz

The Mid: ZZZzzz

The Ugly: ZzzzzZZZZzzzzZzzzz… I mean c’mon… B-O-R-I-N-G!!!!!! It’s like the guy has something better to do like take care of his loving wife and daughter. Okay we can’t lie, he’s an inspiration.

Grade: Zzz

Season Outlook:

The time is now (again). The champ is here. I mean we get it, why fix what’s not broken. They blew the league away last year, and look poised to have a chance to do so again. With by far the strongest RB room in the league the champ looks to dominate the positional advantage that not many others seem to care about anymore. Oh and pairing them up with last year’s number one receiver and tight end in Lamb and Laporta doesn’t sound so bad, does it. Add in “depth” pieces that would lead other team’s in the league’s rooms in Nico Collins and Drake London and this team is starting to sound like a wagon. So what could go wrong? Well… that quarterback room.. is… less than inspiring. And a lack of future draft capital hinders in-season insurance purchases should a key player or two miss extended amounts of time. But that top end is certainly a top end. I’m talking a 2005 Jessica Alba kind of end.

We’re predicting more of the same as last year, but not quite as close to perfection. They say it’s tough to beat a team twice, and we see that ringing true in the championship game… unless there’s a surprise competitor.. stay tuned. Their window stays open, for now.

Projected Finish: 11-3 2nd Place

Ice Cream Boys

Last Year: 9-5-0 / 126.1 PPG / 4th Place

Offseason:

The Good: Sins were made last season. It’s time to pay, and pay they have. They’ve gotten much younger after being one of the elder statesmen of the league last year. Acquiring Anthony Richardson, De’Von Achane, and Malik Nabers gives them three legitimate shots at players being valued as the number one player in their respective position. That’s EXACTLY what the doctor ordered. That and a new pioneering teammate to bounce ideas off of…

The Mid: The price they paid for their new “Big 3”. Trevor Lawrence and a 1st for Richardson; Drake Maye, Ladd McConkey and their own future first for Nabers; Bo Nix, Troy Franklin, and a future first for Achane. So while they have some GUYS, and we really do love them, these guys simply Must. Hit. If they do, they’ll reap the reward, but if not… we may be looking for someone to take over an orphan team. A high interest rate for a team that’s already remortgaged their house. But scared money don’t make money… let’s play ball.

The Ugly:

Grade: C+

Season Outlook:

For a team whose relevance seems destined to become a trivia question—known only for beating last year’s champion, rather than as a formidable franchise—the season ahead looks… troubling. However, only a blind man would overlook the potential this team has. Things could go right—really right—but the odds are stacked heavily against them. Do the Ice Cream Boys do their best work when their backs are against the wall? Let’s find out…

While many around the league see this team as bottom feeders this year, here at Picked Off Magazine, we expect them to spoil a few contenders throughout the season, much like the Purdue Spoilermakers.

We also anticipate the Ice Cream Boys will find a way to reacquire their own first-round pick next year, as they are grinders by nature. After that is done it’s time to roll up their sleeves and get to work, and with the first pick in the 2025 SFO Draft, the Ice Cream Boys select…

Projected Finish: 4-10 12th Place

Vice

Last Year: 8-6-0 / 134.8 PPG / 3rd Place

Offseason:

The Good: The addition of Tyreek Hill bolstered their WR room to one of, if not the, strongest room in the league. Adding promising, but volatile, rookies in Drake Maye and Ladd McConkey give the team more lotto tickets to add to their long term value.

The Mid: While essentially swapping out Kyren Williams and Hollywood Brown for Drake Maye and future draft capital sounds nice on the dynasty power rankings, it doesn’t help out their team much this year.

The Ugly: The owner is, for a lack of better words, a piece of shit. Other than that important tidbit the team got older this year swapping out Kincaid and Reed for Andrews and Hill. Two players pointing upwards for two who’s best days look to be behind them already. Oh yeah, and there’s still quite the RB 2 overall last season sized hole missing in that running back “stable”. These best ball formatted tournaments may have rotted the owner’s mind.

Grade: B+

Season Outlook:

As we enter the 2024 season, it’s clear that while the Commissioner might be the public face of the league it’s that scumbag Vice pulling the strings behind the scenes. Think of him as the he thinks of himself—strategic, calculating, and always three steps ahead… or in other words, full of himself, the arrogant loser.

Vice will ensure trades are scrutinized with surgical precision, waiver wire moves are monitored like national security threats, and that he exploits the system whenever he can. This season, he’s expected to wield a strong lineup, ensuring everyone knows what lame duck roster clogger on his team.. cough cough Rico Dowdle.. is a star—or at least, whatever his narrative is that day. Frankly, just stop listening to him. We already have.

Expect a season where “cunning” strategies and backroom deals determine his future. While he thinks he’s set up a roster that can compete for years to come, we expect another year he fails to meet expectations and inches closer and closer to his final form.. irrelevancy.

Projected Finish: 9-5 4th Place

YAC Enterprises

Last Year: 9-5-0 / 138.4 PPG / 5th Place

Offseason:

The Good: They focused on more long term security this offseason with flipping the still relatively unknown Anthony Richardson for Justin Herbert, who looks to be a stalwart of this team for the foreseeable future. It was expensive, mind you, but it’s expensive until it isn’t. Amidst chaos, they also acquired more future draft capital. Although their 2024 draft was limited, leaving the draft with Ja’Lynn Polk in the late second round could pay dividends for years to come as he is one of our favorite draft day values on the board.

The Mid: While one eye was certainly on the future this offseason it doesn’t hide the fact that this is still an expiring roster. An injection of youth can wait another season.. right?

The Ugly: It takes two to break a heart in two… ooooohhh. The EXPLOSIVE, EARTHSHATTERING, TUMOLTULOUS, break up heard around the world. An offseason of total disarray saw that ever reliable ’98 Camry try to drive in the HOV lane alone and was swiftly traded in for a new Porsche that allegedly seats two. They say, “Teamwork makes the dream work” Hell, YAC Enterprises now has some help (again). Spending more time in the tabloids than the war room isn’t something they’ll want to repeat next year. For that alone their offseason grade can be nothing other than…. and let’s not forget the elephant (and definitely not a donkey) in the room…

Grade: F

Season Outlook:

We get it they’re old… but they’re still good. While many other Y.A.C. around the country may not believe in modern medicine, this team certainly does as they have the oldest projected starting lineup. As long time zero RB disciples their philosophy has aged like a fine wine, much like their team. BUT they will need to run pretty pure this year with essentially only Derrick Henry and the Commander’s RB room to use this season. They certainly can, however. Nevertheless, very strong receiver, tight end, and quarterback rooms look to be the spine of this organization in the 2024 season. And if we get that season from Derrick Henry or Austin Ekeler dips into the fountain of youth this team looks very, very dangerous.

We here at Picked Off Magazine have this team firmly in the dark horse range as they have the firepower to compete with anyone on any given Sunday. We predict a season not so dissimilar from last year, however, and see an early playoff exit in their future. Do not sleep on this newly formed (and previously sexy.. but still kind of.. .right?) duo.

Projected Finish: 8-6 5th Place

Tight Cores Anonymous

Last Year: 4-10-0 / 110.4 PPG / 10th Place

Offseason:

The Good:

They can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother them
They can take a few tears now and then, and just let 'em out

What hurts the most................................

…….is trading Justin Jefferson. But what’s done is done. What had to happen, happened. Time to look forward which is just what the Tight Cores have done this offseason. Plus, who cares.. they’ve already drafted a Justin Jefferson clone in Brian Thomas Jr. Oh, and did we mention they picked up a free 2nd rounder next year while doing so? Savvy.

The Mid: Even though the Jefferson plug was pulled, this team has decided to re-roll and go all-in for this year. There’s no time for rebuilding in this league. The fans won’t allow it, and they certainly don’t deserve it.

The Ugly: The quarterback position still likely needs to be figured out. That is either until Justin Fields finally becomes the prince who was promised, or Will Levis starts scoring on the field rather than in home videos…

Grade: B+

Season Outlook:

Much like Taco Bell, this team is bold, irresistible, and has just the right amount of danger of needing a new pair of pants. Both good and bad. They’ve built their strength where it counts—running backs and receivers who bring a steady rhythm to an otherwise unpredictable lineup. But here at Picked Off Magazine, we sense something exciting on the horizon—a top 5 passing season from Will Levis, poised to break out like a well-kept secret, similar to Sam Howell last year. That kind of performance? While greasy, it could change everything for the Cores.

In a league dripping with competition, where every inch matters (which they have plenty of), we see the Cores tantalizingly close to glory, only to be denied at the finish line by the cruel mistress of points scored. But oh, sorry… I’m picturing the Cores shirtless…. again.. I’m getting H…mmmm…. what a ride it will be.

Projected Finish: 7-7 7th Place

Token North County Kid

Last Year: 7-7-0 / 134.4 PPG / 7th Place

Offseason:

The Good: They got Patrick Mahomes. So if all else fails at least they have him. He’ll always be tradeable to the Ice Cream Boys who are known admirers, and I mean obsessively, of the star QB………..’s wife.

The Mid: They are innovatively punting one week of the season (week 6), but also punting any time the Chiefs score less than 69 (nice) points.

The Ugly: I mean this can’t work.. right? …unless? The mad scientist…

Grade: C(hiefs)

Season Outlook:

Behold the future of the SFO: a team so visionary, so ahead of its time, that even its own peers can’t quite grasp its brilliance. This isn’t just another roster—it’s a bold experiment in fandom and strategy. While others laugh and question, we see a groundbreaking approach.

They’re not merely following trends—they’re setting them. It’s a daring move that embraces the future of virtual football dynamics.

Yes, the skeptics might scoff, and traditionalists may mock this all-Chief lineup. But history will show that this team was not only ahead of its time but had the vision to leverage the most explosive offense in the league. It’s a gamble, but in the realm of innovation, it’s those who dare to dream big that redefine the game.

So, while others play it safe, remember: this team is not just participating in fantasy football; it’s rewriting the playbook. Watch and learn, because the future is now, and it’s Chief-shaped. Never wrong…. just early. But this year… yeah… they’re a little early on the innovation.

Projected Finish: 6-8 8th Place

Irrational Confidence

Last Year: 5-9-0 / 122.2 PPG / 8th Place

Offseason:

The Good: Go get your guy. The Sun God. The Confident (Lions) fan lands his man for present and future. Adding Jayden Reed and Dontavian Wicks also provide massive upside plays to pair with the highest paid player in NFL history, Jordan Love. One of them will be 2018 Davante Adams, right? Okay how about at least 2027 Davante Adams.

The Mid: George Pickens.. who some (and by some I mean leadership at I.C.) believe is due to be the breakout player of 2024. To be fair the leadership team has a history of being right, will it happen again?

The Ugly: While he may be of belief that draft picks are no different than fairy dust.. and maybe he’s right… at some point a little draft pick or two insurance may help the team’s long term growth and stability. But he likes to fly irrationally close to the sun…

Grade: B-

Season Outlook:

Not gonna get ahead of ourselves here, but there’s something about this team that feels like a reliable pickup truck—might not be the fastest or the flashiest, but it’ll get you where you need to go. The quarterback situation? Well, it’s not perfect, but some might say they’ve got two MVP contenders in Love and Stafford. The running backs? Well, there’s that Gibbs kid, and—hear me out—what if Tony Pollard isn’t washed?

The real strength of the roster lies in the receiver room, which got a nice boost this offseason. If one of those breakouts from Green Bay or Pittsburgh pans out, this team could be a real sleeper. And let’s not forget, this manager’s never one to count out when the chips are down.

As long as the boys stay healthy and keep their heads on straight, we reckon they’ll be in the playoff hunt. But even with all that, we still predict they’ll come up just a bit short.

Projected Finish: 6-8 9th Place

Ugly Peoples Club

Last Year: 4-10-0 / 116.2 PPG / 9th Place

Offseason:

The Good: It was the biggest offseason in this franchise’s young history. They didn’t lose any players (only one soon-to-be politician) and got a whole lot younger—and we’re all for it. Drafting three top 10 NFL picks in the first round of the rookie draft? That’s hard to ignore. Do we know more than the billion-dollar organizations that invest heavily in scouting? Well, Picked Off Magazine obviously does, but that’s beside the point.

The Mid: They stuck and picked. That could be really good or really bad, or you know.. somewhere in between. One must wonder, however, if they are trying a bit too hard to mimic the team from Atlanta who similarly provided the biggest gasp of the first round.

The Ugly: Them. Seriously, it’s time to rebrand. Just don’t ask YA… nvm…

Grade: B-

Season Outlook:

EXTERIOR: SERENE LAKE – SUNSET

The sun sets in a blaze of gold over a tranquil lake. The air is filled with a warm, romantic glow. Two team members, UPC1 and UPC2, sit close together on a plush blanket. The soft, sultry notes of The Box by Roddy Ricch drift through the air.

UPC1
(with a lingering gaze, voice low and intimate)
UPC2, this season feels like our own love story. Watching the team transform—it’s like they’re shedding their old, ugly skin, ready for something I can only think about during my special alone time 😉

UPC2
(leaning in, their breath warm against UPC1’s cheek)
It’s like a tantalizing dance with fate. We’ve witnessed their struggles, the palpable tension. But now? They’re on the brink of something extraordinary, poised to steal the spotlight—just as you’ve stolen my heart.

UPC1
(brushing their fingers lightly over UPC2’s hand, eyes locked)
It’s poetic. The way they’ve evolved. I can’t help but be drawn to the promise of what’s ahead just like how I was drawn to you.

UPC2
(smiling seductively, their eyes never leaving UPC1’s)
Here’s to a season that’s more than just a game—a journey of passion and allure.

They share a lingering, intimate look as the sun dips below the horizon. The scene fades to black with a sultry, romantic rendition of Hero by Chad Kroeger (of Nickelback fame).

Projected Finish: 7-7 6th Place

Sweaty Pitts Anonymous

Last Year: 3-11-0 / 100.1 PPG / 12th Place

Offseason:

The Good: Caleb Williams. A season of pain has paid off. He alone makes this offseason a relative success. Should things pan out they have the strongest QB room in the league, and that is something that can and will produce stable success. Allen & Williams. The law firm. Or maybe investment bankers… idk…

The Mid: Jalen McMillan. Did they have insider knowledge, or do the Pitts just have a sixth sense? Chosen close to round earlier than anticipated, McMillan left many teams in the 3rd round in despair as they had always planned to snag the slot wideout. Separately, did they sell Wicks too early? Or just at the right time… a gamble we always play in the sometimes fickle world of SFO.

The Ugly: Still lacking a bit of top end talent to push this team to the next level. But if they can just find this year’s Puka Nacua… cough Jalen McMillan….. they are in business.

Grade: B

Season Outlook:

The middle of the pack of this league is tight… super tight. Barring some breakouts the Pitts look to be squarely in the middle of said pack. Some say the Pitts owner is the savviest in the league, and we here at Picked Off Magazine tend to agree. As the season progresses and their playoff hopes start to fade, we anticipate the Pitts will be the first to pivot, becoming the top sellers on the market. Their strategy? Secure another top 2 pick. Because, let’s face it, in this game, having an early draft pick is everything, right? Everything is starting to fall in line with their vision…

Projected Finish: 5-9 11th Place

Thick Thighs Save Lives

Last Year: 3-11-0 / 107.4 PPG / 11th Place

Offseason:

The Good: Just look at the outgoing and incoming players in the graphic above. Ummm yes. Harrison, Bowers, McCart…… oh no someone call a doctor. AND the Thighs have three first round picks next year? Wooooweeeeeee

The Mid: Bit of an early call on Luke McCaffrey, but is it ever a bad time to take 50% genetically Christian McCaffrey? The Thighs have always played by their own rules…

The Ugly: Hmmm.. renting Bijan for an offseason? I mean this thing went pretty damn well.

Grade: A

Season Outlook:

Buying power… Ever heard of it? Sex appeal… How about that? The Thighs have both in spades. We expect MHJ and Bowers—two of the greatest college football stars ever—to hit the ground running and make an immediate impact for the Thighs. Add in squeezing every last drop of greatness from Diggs and Kamara, and suddenly, no one will want to face this team come playoff time. With an arsenal of first-round picks and a rebuilder’s dream in JJ McCarthy, the Thighs are poised to buy, buy, buy and transform into a league power. Don’t you dare sleep on the Thighs—we sure won’t. They’re only a dark horse because you, yes you Mr. (or Ms.) Reader, have been sleeping. Time to wake up and smell the roses.

Ladies and gentlemen… your 2025 SFO Champion… Time to etch the Thighs into the side of the Tap.

Projected Finish: 10-4 1st Place

Designated Hardbodies

Last Year: 10-4-0 / 125.5 PPG / 2nd Place

Offseason:

The Good: Pump and dump. This owner was more active than Devin Booker in the Olympic village this offseason. But like the Thighs above this owner now has some serious buying power. Now what will they do with it? Nonetheless, the “value daddy” says yes to value when it’s on the table every time.

The Mid: At what point do we consider stability? Hard to get comfortable if you’re a player on the Hardbodies. Always waiting for the phone to ring to say you’re headed to the…. close your eyes…. Ice Cream Boys…. (sorry made believe player, you deserve better). At least playing time is on the table there.

The Ugly: Yeah that Patrick Mahomes guy, the number one overall asset in dynasty, umm yeah he’s… gone… But don’t worry, we got Trevor Lawren.. ha ha hha.h… sorry tried to keep a straight face..

Grade: A-

Season Outlook:

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Like that other NorCal team near and dear to the owner’s heart, this squad just can’t seem to find the killer instinct to cross the finish line. Sure, all that buying power sounds great on paper, but let’s be real—championships aren’t won on paper. The Hardbodies need more than potential; they need execution, grit, and the ability to close out when it matters most. And in this competitive landscape, that’s no easy task. In our estimations, it’ll take at least another year before they’re ready to hoist the trophy. The foundation is there, but there’s still work to be done. For now, they’ll have to settle for being close—but not quite there.

Projected Finish: 10-4 3rd Place

Well there you have it. A supplemental podcast may or may not follow in the coming days, I need to talk to my editor-in-chief. Gentlemen… start your engines…

Until we meet again,
Seb