Anonymous GM’s Mock Draft 2025

An anonymous GM in this great league has reached out to the staff here at Picked Off and wanted to share how they envision the second rookie draft will play out. Sure, the actual NFL draft hasn’t happened yet (or even the combine), but this GM is mighty confident in their crystal ball abilities. Read below, or don’t, and stay tuned for a surprise at the bottom of the page…

Pick 1 – Vice

Only Vice would try to make taking Ashton Jeanty at the 1.01 a big deal for the next 7 months. So lets not let him. No, he’s not drafting someone else. He wants the Marshawn Lynch / Dalvin Cook / (Ladinian Tomlinson) regen. Don’t fall for smoke and mirrors… unless?

Pick 2 – Thick Thighs Save Lives

Everything has led to this. The Thighs, while not terminally online, have been carefully building to this exact moment for some time. Two more early picks to add to what’s an increasingly young and dare I say, sexy, core. Enter a 6’5″ Drake London / Mike Evans lookalike.

Pick 3 – Thick Thighs Save Lives

Is a QB who is potentially going number 1 in the NFL draft going 3rd in the SFO draft? Yes, yes he is. The original Mr. Number One himself is laughing his way to the bank with this selection.

Pick 4 – Tight Cores

Watergate? Area 51? Barry Bonds on the juice? No, no, no… the worst-kept secret in history is the Cores’ undying infatuation with Shedeur Sanders. Whispers around the league suggest they fall asleep each night humming a lullaby in his honor, visions of Sanders dancing in their dreams.

Pick 5 – Hardbodies

How did this league allow the reigning champ to have the 5th pick in the upcoming draft? And they’re getting a discount on the WR who was amongst the Nabers, Harrisons, and Odunzes last year as a sophomore? One “down” year and the Champ once again reaps the rewards of landing premium assets at a discount.

Pick 6 – Sweaty Pitts

Oopsies, the Pitts kind of got scorching hot down the stretch. A sign of things to come? Perhaps. One thing they certainly need? A RB. And this kid knows how to run the damn ball. Don’t’ be surprised to see Omarion have his own Appreciation Society much like David Montgomery.

Pick 7 – YAC E

Okay who’s going to take the risk? While they may describe themselves as conservative, YAC E can’t let this transcendent talent fall any further. It just may be the steal of the draft……

…or they drafted a cornerback.

Pick 8 – Ice Cream Boys

Despite having star TEs like Noah Gray, Theo Johnson, and Colby Parkinson on the roster, the ICB will look to add one of the highly touted TEs in this upcoming draft. Reports suggest they are obsessed with Warren, and would go so far as taking him at number 2 overall if given the chance.

Pick 9 – Vice

What’s boring? How about this pick, this player, this franchise. The WR3 is off the board with a guy who’s never been the best wideout on his own team. Let’s move on.

Pick 10 – Ice Cream Boys

Jacob or Edward? Magic or Bird? Vanilla or Chocolate? The next great (mock draft) rivalry has already been underway for a year now. Henderson or Judkins? Who’s the best Ohio State RB? The ICB loves their RBs, and has made their decision. Let’s see if they chose correctly.

Pick 11 – Tight Cores

Tight Cores, but loose lips. The Cores couldn’t be happier the ICB chose Henderson. Judkins is their guy. End of story.

Pick 12 – Thick Thighs

The Thighs are back to back, again. The next coming of Nick Chubb falls all the way down to the end of the first round. The Thighs add a cornerstone runner to a comparably weak RB stable they have currently rostered.

Pick 2.01 – Thick Thighs

QB over everything, always. Jaxson is Darting up the draft boards with some suggesting he’ll be a top ten pick in the upcoming NFL draft now. While the UPC are noted admirers of Dart, they don’t have the draft capital to land the Ole Miss product. Although, with 4 picks in the top 13 the Thighs are reminding many of the UPC from last year who completed a total overhaul and landed the number 1 seed in the playoffs.

Pick 2.02 – Sweaty Pitts

Speaking of draft risers, Matthew Golden has been getting whispers of being the second WR off the board in the NFL draft. If that’s true, the Pitts will not pass on an opportunity to land the Longhorn with the 14th pick here.

Pick 2.03 – Hardbodies

Guess who’s back? Back again. Value Daddy is back, tell a leaguemate to stop let this continue to happen. Seriously. The highly touted TE falls to the early second round which is too good to be true for the Hardbodies. I’m told at least one team is completely head over heels for the Michigan Man, so don’t be suprrised to see some action for this pick should it arise.

Pick 2.04 – Commish

I mean he doesn’t have to be good at QB to score points right? He does need to get on the field, however. The opportunity cost is too good to be true for Commish as he adds the polarizing QB to pair with Bo Nix and Sam Darnold. What a room…

Pick 2.05 – Commish

Commish would’ve paid the 1.01 to land the hulking RB who utterly embarrassed his mountaineers in Morgantown a year ago. One down year for the best runner in the nation as a sophomore has his stock tumble down to the middle of the second round.

Pick 2.06 – Tight Cores

This guy led the NCAA in receptions AND yards… as a TIGHT END. The Cores bittersweet feeling of shipping Njoku out at the deadline can subside as they land who some are calling budget Brock Bowers. BBB. Someone should make that a brand or something, idk.

Pick 2.07 – North County

Listen, this guy likes players from Kansas. Nothing more to add.

Pick 2.08 – Sweaty Pitts

Did Jaxson Dart get Jonathan Mingo drafted? Or is Tre Harris getting Jaxson Dart drafted? Or maybe they’re both just good… The Pitts want to find out.

Pick 2.09 – North County

While Giddens from Kansas State was tempting here, we’re told it’s Rock Chalk Jayhawk or bust. The SEC leader in touchdowns will have to do I guess.

Pick 2.10 – Sweaty Pitts

This guy has the coolest celebration in the league. And name. Need we say more? Oh, yeah, and he’s probably the fastest player in the draft. Speed kills.

Pick 2.11 – KySol

Reader, we’re as surprised as you are to see this name here. But the inaugural champ works in mysterious ways…

Pick 2.12 – Ice Cream Boys

Remember when he went 13 for 294 vs Colorado a couple years ago? The ICB does.. Though most are shocked, and I mean truly, utterly, bewildered to see the ICB pass up once AGAIN on a chance to draft the player they say “runs the right way”, Cam Skattebo.

Well there you have it. Why even host a draft when we already know the outcome. And oh yeah, if you’re looking to wear SFO branded apparel every day of the week and twice on Sunday you’re in luck. The new Offseason line is here.

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Just keep mocking,
Seb