Draft Recap

With the draft officially in the books all of the speculations of the summer have become known. Full results and our initial analysis of how things went down below.

Draft Grades

1. Untethered Rage

We here at Picked Off Magazine hold ourselves to the highest moral standards and ethics, so we simply cannot comment on this “team” whilst they continue to hold their partner hostage. We’re sorry for any of the players who were drafted this this “roster”, and won’t think any less of them if they decide to sit the season out in protest. Really it’s the only plausible option we can see here. Feef, if you somehow have internet access in your windowless dungeon please know the rest of the league is here to help stop this tyrant ruler.

Grade: F

2. The Crockpot Boys

Day ‘N’ Nite – No, I’m not talking about the hit Kid Cudi song – but instead the amount of time and preparation The Crockpot Boys put into this year’s draft. The lonely drafter seems to free his mind at night, but this lonely drafter once again had a partner. Within their dreams they’ve seen the team they’ve made, but the pain is deep from years past. Even though they’ve never finished outside of the bottom four in scoring, this team looks to get that scoring up, up, and away in their pursuit of happiness. A repeat of last year’s triple crown from Cooper Kupp would be the Soundtrack 2 their Lives and erase the years of embarrassment.

Grade: B

3. Oprah’s Clunge

Always the bridesmaid, Oprah’s Clunge, looks to continue the trend this year in being the internet’s favorite team. A top heavy draft saw the Clunge sitting idle for a majority of the night’s events but gave them a few pillars to build their team’s foundation on. Per usual, they’ve built a strong core but that big miss is always lurking with this duo. A $23 miss that looks awfully similar to my accountant knocks their grade down to a C for this year. Will last year’s long con of drafting Travis Etienne swing this team into a contender? We’ll have to wait and see.

Grade: C

4. Hogs, Inc.

Technical difficulties? What is this 2006 with dial-up internet? We’re not buying one bit of the claims that suggest David Montgomery was auto drafted and out of the incorporations control. They may have changed their name, but they can’t get off their old ways. Dalvin Cook remains a stalwart for this team, and they want to run it back with Ja’Marr Chase and our future president Jalen Hurts. Sure, they have a couple of guys who have a nose for the endzone, but they will need to have an ambulance always on deck with this assortment of players.

Grade: C+

5. A Shot and a Beer

A Shot and a Beer, or should I say A Shot in the FOOT. This duo never ceases to amaze, and after one too many red bull vodka slushies pre-draft we’re haunted at the thought of what could’ve been for this team. One thing no one can take away from them is everyone finding out for the first time that there’s a maximum number of wide receivers you can have on your roster. This team will need to make some friends to be able to wheel and deal their way into having someone who runs the damn ball. Although they are last year’s reigning number one seed, it’s hard to imagine lightning will strike twice for this team in its current state. We’re not quite sure what they have against running backs, but maybe one day we’ll find out. However, they don’t receive a F grade for one reason and one reason only, Courtland Sutton.

Grade: D-

6. The Big DAWGS

The Big DAWGS might have to rename themselves to the small to medium sized mutts. Notably not happy with their draft, many were left wondering if they got some sort of buy one get one free special on drafting suspended players. As they say the best ability is availability, and the dawgs are a bit short there to start the season. Some high upside players offer a glimmer of hope along with a few veterans atop of their position in the league for several years running. Their draft plan was turned on its’ head an hour before the draft once they learned their top target, Kyle Pitts, was not hitting the open market. Too many question marks lower the dawg’s draft grade, but the upside potential is what keeps them afloat for now.

Grade: C-

7. The IC Lighters

Known to get the best out of their players year in and year out, this polarizing fantasy organization is more predictable than seeing a Troy Polamalo jersey at a formal wedding in Pittsburgh. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it is tattooed on The IC Lighters lower back as they can’t get away from the same players year in and year out as documented in our Mock Draft as well. To some extent they seem to have a point, but what’s the definition of insanity again? The IC Lighters are once again doing the same thing over and over again, and is this year they expect a different result? A strong team and competitor looks to be firmly in the mix once again this year, but to this day they still haven’t been able to win that last game of the season.

Grade: B-

8. My Wife Left Me

Looks like more than just their wife left them, but their ability to draft bad players hasn’t. We here at Picked Off Magazine don’t fall into the narrative that this team wasn’t aware of the draft yesterday, and this house of cards organization is left scrambling again without Christian McCaffrey. Keeping Mahomes for the second year running turned a few heads pre-draft, and what these shadow owners have up their sleeves we can never be quite sure of. Their quest to find the new Tyreek Hill in drafting Hardman and Valdez-Scantling will end in hardship once again, a common theme I must say, but Stefon Diggs offers a beacon of light on this otherwise forsaken team.

Grade: D+

9. McTangos Kryptonite

3 Runningbacks Down is how the defending champions decided to start their draft. They’re wondering if they go crazy, will someone call them Superman? The answer to that is no, obviously, but if they want to wear the suit and cape on Halloween we’re never one to shame. Someone tell them 2019 called and they want their players back. Nevertheless, this team always deserves at least a slim piece of respect even though they’re head quartered in the armpit of America. A strong team top to bottom hopes to keep their team alive and well, and holding their hands. One of our top grades in this year’s draft will likely go to their heads, but we’re just here to reports that facts, always.

Grade: B+

10. Bread ‘N’ Butter

More like Bread ‘N’ Butterfingers as this team shockingly let the draft slip through their fingers. Most are wondering if the Butterfingers were late to the draft as they seemingly didn’t know any of the players in a traditional draft’s top three rounds were available. We’re also left wondering what the big savers are planning on doing with their leftover $17 dollars they left in the bank. But to be fair, if Jack and the Box accepts ESPN Fantasy Football auction dollars these two could have a really nice night! Some are starting to ask the question if this new duo’s honeymoon is rapidly ending with others believing drafting Pat Freiermuth may be the straw that broke the camel’s back. We’re not mad, just disappointed with how this team that started out in the strongest position has ended up like this. Fans around the world expect and deserve the best from this team, and with this being their first move as a franchise many are worried about the outlook of the team. While they’re not the lowest rated team by any means in our rankings they are receiving our lowest draft grade simply because of the opportunity lost. At the end of the day they still have star wideout Justin Jefferson along with Josh Allen and that tandem might just be enough to take them to promised land.

Grade: F-

11. Team Diversity

In somewhat of a surprise move, Team Diversity opted to stay with The King rather than go back to the keg and fill up their Kupp again. Their hopes this year will rely on one or a few of their players taking a big step forward similar to how Mr. Kupp did just a year ago. Not willing to stick their neck out for any player over $35, this team appears to have drafted with three condoms on to make sure they were safe. However they’ve proven us wrong before, and what’s stopping them from proving us wrong once again. Their draft grade may be a bit harsh but D stands for Diversity and this group is incredibly inclusive.

Grade: D

12. The Conglomerate

Much like Taco Bell this organization is known for one thing and one thing only, innovation. The Conglomerate redefine the cutting edge and we as a society are not ready to understand drafting four Quarterbacks however we know its the future. One thing we love here at Picked Off Magazine is going out and getting your guys, and The Conglomerate certainly did that. These house of dragons look to stay wide awake this year and reign fire down on the rest of the league. All applauds for this dynamic duo.

Grade: A+

Picked Off Magazine continues to bring you hard hitting fact based journalism. If you don’t like what you see find your news somewhere else, because we’ll never lose our journalistic integrity. Who are your draft winners and losers? Sound off in the comments or on twitter.

Signing off for now….
– Miles