We’re days past the draft and the rosters are slimming down as teams get ready to kick off the 2022 season in the Dad Bods fantasy football league. You may have seen our Draft Grades, but they do not represent the full picture of what these teams are made of. However, our preseason rankings do. Here’s the facts…

11. Hogs, Inc

Last Week: 4

Do they know there’s other players in the league? New year, same old suspects for Hogs, Inc. One eye popping addition however is David Montgomery. But who’s to say David Montgomery isn’t actually Chris Carson. I mean has anyone ever seen the two of them in the same room? The new rumble man has the potential to be this team’s saving grace.

Hogs, Inc. Player ____ has entered the blue medical tent

NFL Redzone

is something we intend on hearing a lot of this season and is why they land at the bottom of our preseason rankings.

10. My Wife Left Me

Last week: 7

Stefon Diggs.

9. A Shot and a Beer

Last Week: 9

Triple It. No, octuple it. This hateful eight group of wide receivers might be the boldest strategy the Dad Bods league has ever seen. Running Backs? Who needs them? What are in 2006 still?

But in all seriousness if you're looking to trade a RB please reach out to A Shot and a Beer 

This risque duo continues to flirt with having one too many, except when it comes to running backs. The rest of the league is on the edge of their seats to see how this strategy works out. It is a copycat league after all.

8. The Big DAWGS

Last Week: 8

Lucky Number 8? Unfortunately this team hasn’t been able to acquire their beloved number 8, Kyle Pitts, yet. But our sources lead us to believe that he may soon end up in a Big DAWGS uniform. That would be a great addition to the squad seeing as it would be a player that is eligible to play football, and that’s not currently a strong suit of this Big DAWGS (SSPD) roster. With their young roster construction, we’re starting to wonder if this franchise did most of their draft research on TikTok. How do you do, fellow kids…

7. McTango’s Kryptonite

Last Week: 3

Slippery. This team is starting to slide from our offseason rankings. We’re getting flashbacks of Dustin Johnson “slipping” down the stairs the night before the Masters as the Number 1 Ranked player in the world. Last years top dogs need to catch their fall before it turns into a tumble. They look to grab onto their railing of Joe Mixon and Russell Wilson to keep them upright.

6. Team Diversity

Last week: 6

Consistency. Loyalty. Inclusivity. These are the core values of this franchise. Take a look at their team and you’ll start to understand why.

Consistent - James Conner. You may question this, but you'd be a fool.
Loyalty - Derrick Henry. He's kept once again (loyal to a fault?)
Inclusivity - Mike Thomas. They're not afraid to include a guy that hasn't played football in 2 years.

We’re excited to see what this team will accomplish this season

5. IC Lighters

Last Week: 11

Fantasy football doesn’t have to be sexy to win, and this team has no idea what sexy is. While these players may not have big name notoriety their efficiency could lull opponents to sleep. We’re even starting to doze off as we write our thoughts about this team, but next thing you know you wake up and you’ve lost once again to the IC Lighters. Note to all other team owners, make sure to keep the coffee pot hot when you see the IC Lighters across the scoreboard.

4. Bread ‘N’ Butter

Last Week: 2

Tough love after the draft has inspired this new couple with their shrewd negotiations as teams look to pick apart their depth of players. Death by a thousand cuts is how the staff here at Picked Off Magazine sees Bread ‘N’ Butter taking down opponents this year. However, if a few of their good players become great players we could be looking at a very dangerous team come midseason. A big if however… A minor slide in our rankings from the previous week is only because we expected so much out of this lustful group pre-draft.

3. Oprah’s Clunge

Last week: 10

This tech savvy ownership group shows us why their name has been a staple in this league for years. After tripping over their own feet by adding Hunter Renfrow for an exuberant price we’re starting to wonder if the Clunge are more than what meets the eye. A core of Ekeler, Pittman, and Hill is reliable as any team in the league and this team will go as far as young keeper Travis Etienne takes them. One must also wonder with all of the Dolphin and Jaguar players rostered if these snowbirds are planning a migration.

2. The Conglomerate

Last week: 5

An absolute slam dunk draft has this team of unbiased journalists buzzing. We thought we were watching the 2000 NBA Slam Dunk contest when these two icons started the draft. Keeping Kyle Pitts and getting Run CMC makes this team a real contender this year.

1. The Crockpot Boys

Last week: 1

Expect anything different? The two-a-days (mock drafting) the Crockpot Boys did all summer paid off big time at the draft for these star studded owners. Their three headed monster (Fluffy) of CeeDee Lamb, Cooper Kupp, and Tee Higgins at wide receiver will give their opponents headaches starting with Hogs, Inc. this week. Teams will have to be begging Fluffy for mercy…

Others receiving votes…… Not:
Untethered Rage – We tried to call the voters but as soon we mentioned the team who shall not be named they hung up and seemingly got a new number. This “team” has a long way to go if they want to have anyone’s respect. A strong roster of mercenaries personifies this knee-ball franchise cult. As always, the team here at P.O.M. remains unbiased, but please readers DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID.

Until next week…
– Miles