Power Rankings – Week 11

No guests this week, just me, wily ole Miles here to set the record straight on where each team stands heading into week 11. Are some team’s seasons becoming a short story? Has all hope been lost? Let’s find out.

12. Untethered Rage

These greaseballs get another win behind newly acquired quarterback Justin Fields. If they keep playing the young kid instead of the veteran leader who got them to this point, Geno Smith, we here at Picked Off Magazine have a feeling someone won’t be writing a holiday card back to the Commissioner in the coming weeks. Hopefully Geno throws the pity card in the trash where this organization is most comfortable anyways.

This dumpster fire organization knows no bounds when it comes to taking advantage of their employees. They’ve been keeping their young whippersnapper “co-owner” locked down in order to harvest his brilliant mind. How much juice is there left so squeeze for the Commissioner from his “teammate”? Remain patient, young one, we’re coming to save you.

I suppose they get a “ranking” this week because we believe in “transparency”. Pathetic bunch.

11. IC Lighters

Yawn. Another week, another sub par performance. Except for the IC Lighters a sub 100 point showing has become par for the course, so maybe we need to reset our expectations. Perhaps it’s time for this team to to start playing mini fantasy football before they’re ready to return back to the full length course.

Radio IC Light 98.7 FM moves up a spot in our dial on a technicality.

10. The Conglomerate

Down, but not out. Is it merely a flesh wound? A performance to forget in week one of their double header with The Crockpot Boys as The Conglomerate must not be ready to show all their cards. Are they holding pocket aces? It’s getting awfully late in the in the hand, and if this team doesn’t win the return game this week with the Crockpot they may not even see the river.

With sights on commissioner power in 2023, one must wonder if next year’s bid is altering this year’s play. Week 11 looks to be the most pivotal week thus far for this illustrious organization.

9. Bread ‘N’ Butter

It’s a results based business, and in their Battle of the Bastards rivalry week with A Shot and a Beer the results weren’t there. For a team who prides themselves on being cutting edge, a sharper blade may have done them some good this season. Their losing streak extends to a league leading six games as their 3-1 days seem all but crumbs left on the counter. While reports are all hope is but lost at Bread ‘N’ Butter HQ, don’t count this team out just yet. Sure they’ve been passed around the dinner table for everyone to enjoy these past six weeks, but let’s not forget the stars this franchise has for the entrée. What’s stopping them from making a late run and enjoying some dessert?

Nevertheless, a putrid showing in a week that should mean just a bit more than most has this team slipping down our rankings.

8. The Big Dawgs

Davante Adams. Travis Kelce. Is there anything else to say? Because these are the only two Big Dawgs who get to go to the park. Sit. Stay. Heel. The rest of this roster needs some obedience trainings if this team wants to bark down the stretch. Loyal to a fault. With roster space limited this franchise has remained loyal to a few players who don’t play a whole lot of football. One of the aforementioned has sights on playing for the first time this season, and time will soon tell if this is enough let the Big Dawgs eat.

7. McTango’s Kryptonite

There’s blood in the water. Looks who’s lurking. Currently sitting in the last playoff spot this managerial group is one no other team wants to run into in the playoffs. In a playoff picture that’s shaping up to be tighter than a low key kickback on the beach with a couple of brewskis and pizza, the Kryptonite need to quickly move on from last week’s disappointing performance. Nothing a few mind erasers can’t help with, I must say. Check out Seacrets in Ocean City, MD. for more details… Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Will the Kryptonite be the hunter or the prey down the final stretch of the season? If prior performances are anything to rely on, look out league.

6. Oprah’s Clunge

So they want to be in the big leagues? Put on their big boy pants, and do big boy things? They have a big boy team after all, but where are their big boy results? For all the hype surrounding this team they find themselves at a record which can’t sit well with this ownership. If this was a playoff preview with the Hogs we here at Picked Off Magazine may not be that interested in watching later this year. Disappointment aside, the Clunge look poised for their first real postseason run. With playmakers all over the roster, let’s see if they can finally gel and be a dominant force many think they can be.

A drop from the top spot is in order as this team needs to check their rear view mirror before looking ahead at what could become.

5. Hogs, Inc.

This is supposed to be another one of those top teams in the league? Okay. Sure, whatever you say. We have 96.8 reasons that say otherwise. Injuries? Bye Weeks? Frankly my dear, we don’t give a damn. The Hogs will need to rev their engines up a bit if they want to contend again this year. Luckily for them, a sparkplug in Kadarius Toney may get this thing purring. David Montgomery’s Appreciation Society may gain a few more members in the coming weeks now that more opportunity looks to be coming his way. Some North-South running could do this team some good who’s been known to focus on the map more than the road in the past.

A “top end” matchup with Oprah’s Clunge in week 10 left a lot, and I really mean a lot, to be desired for the neutral. Like their opponent last week we here at Picked Off Magazine need to see more from this team to really believe in it. This ranking really feels given, not earned.

4. Team Diversity

It may be (it is) hard to recognize, but if you squint just a bit you’ll see that this team is flat out sexy. You send some photos to friends elsewhere and they won’t get it, and they’ll ask you what do you see in this team? The allure, what is it? We’re not sure, but it’s provocative. Some things are better left unknown. We can’t stop thinking about it. The tantalizing leadership group at Team Diversity said it best,

It may be ugly, people may not like it at face value, but it always comes through at the end

An Old Wooden Ship

At this point we can not hold back any longer, we see it and we love it. No, we have not been drinking. Our minds are crystal clear. What this team has done is nothing short of remarkable. Sit back and enjoy this steadying force as they navigate their way into a playoff position.

3. A Shot and a Beer

Now breathe.

Funny to find you here. Do you come here often? No, these aren’t my attempts to regain my ex-wife’s love and affection, because we’re too busy loving A Shot and a Beer. The Battle of the Bastards is over, and look who came out on top. Not for one second do we believe the rumors this team threw the towel in on the season. All they needed was a little puke and rally. And puke they did dropping five straight games leading into week 10. Time to rally starting with a gritty win over their fierce rivals who are not so dissimilar from themselves.

We do have an important question to ask though… Is there a quarterback controversy at A Shot and a Beer? As fact based journalists, the facts of the matter are this team is 5-0 without Lamar Jackson, and 0-5 with. Food for thought.

2. My Wife Left Me

Press X to doubt this team. We won’t. Our X button is broken, brother. Sitting atop of the league standings and once again holding the highest scoring margin leaves little doubt for the team here at Picked Off Magazine as to what the future holds for My Wife Left Me. With their wife out the picture this organization finally has the time to dedicate themselves fully into something that’s truly important, fantasy football. That dedication has paid off, and their ex-wife can go have fun with that handsome jujitsu teacher because they won’t be having any fun with this organization as they look to add another trophy to their cabinet.

1. The Crockpot Boys

They stay out too late. They got nothing in their brain. That’s what people say, mmm mmm. But this team keeps cruising, can’t stop won’t stop moving. It’s like they got CeeDee Lamb in their mind saying it’s gonna be alright. Because the league is gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate but this team is just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Yeah that’s right, The Crockpot Boys have, and will continue to shake it off.

We’re sorry, we don’t know what got into us the past few weeks not having this team where they belong, number one. Not two, not three, not four…. Number One. See that rest of the league? The Crockpot is SIZZLING HOT.

Oh yeah, Cooper Kupp is out for the season. About that…

See you again,
– Miles