Power Rankings – Week 6

$20 on Red 23… Whoops I mean there’s been another week of games in the DBFFL and the teams are starting to find their identity. Sin, gin, and family… the m.o. of the Fall Summit that took place this past weekend in Las Vegas. Yes, of course Picked Off Magazine was there to uncover the truth of any of the unfolding’s. With that in mind we have a deeper understanding of how these teams operate and without further ado our rankings heading into week 6.

11. McTango’s Kryptonite

The Kryptonite need a hero. He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be ready to fight because right now they have a bunch of sorry players who are afraid to dance. We cannot excuse the championship hangover any longer here at Picked Off Magazine. Through five weeks this team flat out stinks. Now it’s easy to point the finger at the management group for their performances so far, but this franchise has a proven track record and in our opinion these players simply aren’t playing to the level they are capable of. Either that or it’s no longer 2019 when the majority of this aging roster were difference makers.

One thing we know for certain is the pedigree of this ownership group. They need to kickstart or shake something up because this cannot go on any longer. We believe they’ll do just that because even though they’re from New Jersey (gross I know) they know how to put their head down and push on.

10. IC Lighters

IC-rado, why don’t you come to your senses? You’ve been out riding fences for so long now. The Lighters have been able to scrap together a few wins, but their performances thus far have left a lot be be desired. Poor starts from their two horses has this franchise looking to make some changes. While our sources lead us to believe they are actively engaged in talks for a new wide receiver, some are wondering if they should looking everywhere to find a difference maker. As the rumors spread we expect to see some changes out of this team who are less than satisfied (just like my ex-wife, Jane) to put some more points on the board.

Until then the IC Lighters will linger towards the bottom of our power rankings.

9. Team Diversity

They might. Empty their bank account. Buy their players with fantasy dollars. Do they slide down our rankings like this? They might. Do they try on all their nights like this? They might. We here at Picked Off Magazine are putting some spotlight on this slide from Team Diversity. Whatever comes in the next few weeks, comes through clear as this team looks to decide if they’re ready to contend. Disappointing performances riddled the team this week as they drop another game. Hopefully in the next few weeks they can get too hot like a furnace, and let their diamonds shine when the lights dark.

8. Oprah’s Clunge

So Weapon H hasn’t panned out so far, who would’ve seen that coming? Shocking news for all I must assume, certainly shocking to the entire team here at Picked Off Magazine at least. Luckily the Clunge have found a real weapon with their star man, Austin Texas Ekeler. Back to back top performances have the Clunge picking up an overdue victory. A timely pickup off the wire in Kenny 3 Sticks is great fortune for the Clunge as they look to make a push to up the standings.

The only thing that could stop them now is a Davante Adams suspension and Darren Waller injury that would lust them back into playing Weapon H once again.

7. Hogs, Inc.

Sure they won. Does anyone care? Not really. Impressed? Not especially. Performances carried by a future President and long time running mate Dalvin Cook got the Hogs the majority they needed to improve their campaign. Some gerrymandering to avoid a contested matchup has given these two representatives a seat at the table. However, until we see some more from this group consistently this team will continue to pander to the masses and sit right in the middle of the pack moderately.

A drop in our rankings even with a win this week because this team has yet to take a stand and prove their spine isn’t wishy washy.

6. The Big Dawgs

They can almost see it, that dream they’re dreaming, but there’s voices around the league that say they’ll never reach it. It’s always gonna be an uphill battle after losing your lead running back for the year, and sometimes you’re going to have to lose. Ain’t about how fast the Big Dawgs get there, it’s the climb. And climb this team is doing up our rankings after a heroic performance from their two star players when they needed it the most. They’ll have to stay strong and keep pushing on because there’s always gonna be another mountain.

A jump up our rankings after landing in the last spot last week is just what the vet ordered for the Big Dawgs.

5. A Shot and a Beer

Committed. That’s what A Shot and a Beer are. Are they committed to winning, or winning with Lamar Jackson? We here at Picked Off Magazine believe it’s the former, and that the latter is their best way of doing that even if it didn’t turn up all roses this week as it had so far this season. To others it may have seemed to be a shot in the dark to sell away haul of players, but when you can afford a Lamborghini why not buy it? A Shot and a Beer certainly didn’t question why. Lack of production from their star receivers paired with an early Darren Waller injury left A Shot and a Beer at other ends of the bar. Bright neon signs from Gabriel Davis who was left at the pregame this week poise to add some spark back to this team in the coming weeks as they look to bounce back.

When the spotlight was pointed on this team and matchup this week a lackluster showing drops this team in our rankings. Expect to see a new setlist and crowd pleasing encore in the coming weeks though.

4. Bread ‘N’ Butter

They hurt themselves today. To see if they still feel. For now they’ll need to focus on the pain because it’s the only thing that’s real. 6 touchdowns between 10 receptions on Monday Night Football from the pair of Davante Adams and Travis Kelce has Bread ‘N’ Butter willing to let anyone have it all, their empire of dirt. What have they become? For now that’s a 3-2 team and some wonder if their best football is in front of them or behind them already.

They’ll maintain their top third ranking this week as this team has proven to be resilient over the years, and we expect a bounce back in short notice. One thing to watch out for is how something far outside of the fantasy football world, or so you’d think, in the Yankees vs. Guardians matchup affects the relationship between this ownership group….

3. The Conglomerate

The Conglomerate look at a hundred deals a day. They picked one. And after one week, they picked right with a strong showing in week 5. They know very well the first lesson in business is: don’t get emotional about players, it clouds your judgement. That led to them shipping beloved star Lamar Jackson because in their book you either do it right or you get eliminated. New acquisitions DK Metcalf and Amari Cooper took no time to adjust to the Conglomerate global lifestyle and made their mark leading the team to victory.

The sky is the limit for this new look organization and that why they’ve risen up our rankings heading into week 6.

2. My Wife Left Me

Last week’s recipe has turned into this weeks meal. A matchup of the top two records in the league have shown that this time around My Wife Left Me are flat out contenders. The team has broken bread and drank wine together as these disciples continue to lead the league in both points for and points against behind their faithful leader (Patrick 15: 6-14). However, does betrayal await on the other side? We’ll find out starting this week with their matchup against the buoyant Crockpot Boys. Perhaps they’ll rise to the occasion, but will it be three days late?

Another week towards the top of our rankings is well deserved for this team who many counted out before the season.

1. The Crockpot Boys

Where was the moment they needed the most? They stand in line just to hit a new low. They’re falling to pieces every time. Cause they had a bad day. And that’s all this was, a bad day. Don’t act like you, yeah I’m talking to you you inconsiderate slug, haven’t had one too. Sorry, maybe I’m projecting too much after I didn’t see my sweet Jane at Johnny Rockets this time around in Las Vegas… I must carry on, and so will the Crockpot Boys because they are more resilient than Zac Taylor’s game plan of running the ball every first down.

At Crockpot Boy HQ, they view setbacks as impermanent and recognize they’re opportunities for growth. They understand their cognitive distortions as false beliefs and that’s why this team’s honesty as to where they stand is their greatest asset.

They will carry-on, they must. You have to spend to win, and even when all looks like it’s lost the tide will turn.

Bubble Team(s):
Untethered Rage.
Sure this team won this week, but that’s not what’s important. The commissioner made a surprise appearance at the Fall Summit in what most believe was in effort to save face. However some interesting, to say the least, information became apparent over the course of a few days.

However the slick ways of this team weren’t totally unseen…

More to follow on this developing situation……

If anyone can loan me some money, I’m good for it, just tell me your favorite number between 1-36 is,
– Miles