THE Nicky Westgate Newsletter – Vol 1.

Hello friends,

Long time, no see. Throughout several darkness retreats I’ve learned to let go of my hopes of my once beautiful ex-wife, Melissa, getting back together with me. Ugh. Okay. That’s enough. One more bourbon for me. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere right.. ha ha ha… Nevertheless, I’ve heard my kid brother, Seabass, has taken quite a liking to the SFO Dynasty league and asked me to start sharing news about this storied league. Without further ado is the first edition of the Nicky Westgate newsletter (which was released a few days ago, but just reached my fabled desk today):

An Introduction
For those uninitiated, I am the preeminent sports betting analyst this side of the Mississippi (5-4 so far this year, pretty good). I was recently enlisted to provide gambling coverage for SFO Dynasty, a fantasy league that I have been told people take very seriously. Because of this, I will try to be as respectful as possible while doing a job that I feel is very much beneath me.

When you come in to my office, expect 3 things: 1) My pants off. Wait hold on, wrong newsletter….

1) One immortal lock against the spread,
2) One value money line pick (for you cowards), and
3) One upset so tantalizing, you’ll be praying your waistband is tight enough to cinch your hog.

And with that, here are my week 5 picks:

Like Vice’s Mom After 4 Buttery Chardonnays, It’s a Lock Baby

Here we are, the entree, what the people came for. Nicky Westgate’s stone cold lock of the week. Everything after this point can, and should, be treated as ancillary fluff. And our first lock is…

Sweaty Pitts Anonymous +20 vs Hardbodies Only

Cheap Analysis: A young roster full of unknown commodities and some unfortunate injuries have put the Sweaty Bois on the inside track for a top 3 pick in the 2024 draft, but that doesn’t mean this team doesn’t have what it takes to cover. A thrifty move to pick up some running back depth in exchange for an injured member… oops I meant Johnson (Diontae that is), make this plucky 1-3 team a little spicier then expected.

This along with some tough matchups for the Hardbodies (all 5 pass catcher face bottom 11 matchups), will leave you asking who had this team laying 20 points.

First You Get the Money, Then You Get the Lines

My always less fun segment, the one where I pick a team to win, that is supposed to win! I don’t know if there’s enough pen15 jokes in the world to save this one…

Kysol ML vs Team Icecreamboiii

Even Cheaper Analysis: The hottest team in SFO Dynasty is showing no signs of slowing down as I’m told the hamsters in the Kia Soul room remain happy, healthy, and horny for another dub. A handful of unfortunate byes and injuries will leave the Icecream Lads short handed and holding onto their britches as they prepare to get icecreampied by what appears to be an unstoppable force meeting a tragically moveable object. Currently laying 23, I would hop on the Sol- wagon now as I see the projection gap only getting wider here.

“I’m upset…. Can’t go fifty fifty with no hoe.” – Drake

And of course, the boner inducing pick promised. Without further ado…

Commissioner W ML vs Vice

League insiders circled this one back in August as THE early season matchup to watch. Will it be our favorite play boy president and fearless leader, or the reclusive puppeteer we call the “Vice” who takes home the inaugural commish on co-commish matchup people are already starting to call the Intra Cabinet Brawl. I know, it’s not catchy at all but people keep calling it that. The Commissioner is currently getting 10 points, which is a lot given there is no way that this game isn’t rigged in his favor. Lock this one in now because no chance this isn’t even odds by Saturday.

K, that’s all, love you guys,
Nicky Westgate

Subscribe to this newsletter below especially if your name is Melissa. Babe, I miss you. Ignore what I said above. Please reach out I’m nothing without you.
Yours always, Miles.